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Be your own company <3


In today's world, many teenagers suffer from stress, depression, anxiety, and peer pressure. The words that the adults are familiar with but won't use them in the same sentence with kids.


Adults sometimes underestimate kids that they must've heard about depression from somewhere, they just started puberty and well, absorbing the world and its doings around them so how will they know about depression?


But they're very wrong. Just like everyone says that when you're a kid it is easier for you to learn new things and adapt yourselves similarly it is easier for teens to feel emotions and strong feelings and be in a dilemma.


Sometimes teens also go through depression, anxiety, and many more strong emotions that the adults couldn't possibly understand. It is even worse for teens to get help because if they go to their parents they may get a lecture and they cannot just walk into a therapist's clinic and ask for help.

And unfortunately, even if we would rely on our freinds for advice and support sometimes some friends could be a bad influence and divert us from our goals and aims in our life to the wrong path.


Thus, all these battles of emotions inside a teen builds-up more and more day by day and results in them getting depressed and maybe suicidal.


Suicidal?

Such a common word yet so many people just ruin its meaning.

Suicide is when a person is driven to insanity by the cruel tactics of the society and the people around them to take their own lives because they are not capable of fitting in this world because they're just a waste of space and nobody would care about them.

And just like that, after people fill an innocent soul's brain with such vicious comments and remarks daily, the person finds it easier to quit than to bear it, again and again, every single day like a painful never-ending cycle.


People committing suicides is not a common issue because I have been in that position myself.


And you know what is an even crueler act after mentally torturing a person is mocking them even after their death.


Some people don't take suicides positively. Some say it's human nature that we human beings can never stop being selfish but it's true.


Some victims of depression and various other disorders who commit suicide are mocked even after they died for being such a coward to end their lives and take a shortcut to get some peace.

They think that those poor souls didn't put their blood, sweat, and tears in proving the world wrong and proving themselves that they're worthy of their love, but only a few would understand this sentiment, not all.


Just imagine putting yourselves in the shoes of a regular teen trying to take a drastic step. How many guts do you think it would take for you to end your own life?

To remember that after this day, after killing yourself you won't ever be able to hug your parents, you won't be able to feel that sense of security and love in the arms of your significant other or your dear ones, just imagine that you won't be able to complete your dreams and have a taste of success ever in your life, how you won't be able to say the things to people that you always wanted to say?


I bet you would feel vulnerable. Not everyone can wake up one day, tired of life, and say I just want to quit and I don't want to live anymore and then they make a move, and the next second you see them...they're dead.


It's not that easy. It takes a lot of courage to end the only life that we get so as 'humans' we should stop criticizing people, we may not know what they're hiding behind their smiles, we may not know the reasons and excuses for all their doings.


We may not know anything about them but yet we are ready to post anything related to a celebrity committing suicide on social media, doesn't matter if it's positive or negative.

There is no point in sending your condolences and showing that you care about that person, they're long gone.

That is you just doing a formality that no-one is asking you to do, guilty people are the ones who would make moves like these to lessen their guilt which is drowning them into their pool of lies.


As a teen and from my experience I can comprehend that there comes a time in every teen's life when they feel like no-one cares for them, they've no real friends, everyone around them is just using them, and such other thoughts invade their minds but some teens aren't able to understand and make out is that if no-one cares now, maybe they won't care in future unless and until they want something, maybe if your parents don't pay attention to you and give all their attention to your siblings it may continue, maybe if your freinds left you right now after back-stabbing you there is no guarantee that they won't do it again.


But what we do is we crib over these things, and it's normal for us to make a scene and cry ourselves to sleep after realizing how worthless and undeserving we are.


This is completely normal but we should understand that if people around us don't care for us anymore if they're bored of us and want to ignore us then they can and just like that we should try our best to move on.


It's not easy but it's also not so difficult.

People come and go in our lives and it's only a matter of fact that only a few of them would stay with us through our thick and thin.


We cannot expect everyone to help us and lend us their shoulders to cry on, and this is the thing that we should realize because as teens we are in the process of entering the adult world and in this period we're only getting the taste of it, who knows what are future has planned for us.

It may get worse or may get better, you never know.


This is the reason we should be our own company because even if the world falls apart or even if the world turns against you, we would still have ourselves with us to support us and agree with our decisions.


Trying to get used to our own company would make us more independent and stronger mentally to withstand any obstacle that life would throw at us because we would know that ' no worries, I can go through hell alone if no-one is there for me because I have myself with me and as long as I have that self-esteem and confidence in myself I can conquer anything'.


As cliche as it all sounds, it makes a difference.


We cannot always expect people to talk highly of us and stay with us. We cannot expect people to care for us and love us the way we are.

Why should we always approach people for some support and get used and stomped all over ourselves again and again?


Teens have their dignity and integrity too, it isn't over-confidence and ego as many adults would label these emotions as, but this is the sense of pride to accept ourselves the way we are and rely on ourselves better than relying on other people just to get heartbroken at the end.


And if an adult is reading this blog I would like to mention that teens go through a lot that words can ever describe.


We have to meet the expectations of so many people, handle body shaming, peer-pressure, stress from school and family, and other extra-curricular activities, think about our future, try to think of a way to make a name for ourselves, find our identity and much more than that.


It's not that only our generation has to go through all these conflicts, every person has to go through all this but it doesn't mean that things would be difficult for them.


It doesn't mean that if you and your friend's parents expired and you both are mentally drained out so you won't feel the pain just because there is another person around you dealing with the same difficulty.

It would hurt equally or even more painfully, nobody can defy anyone's pain and neither should we ever do that, and teens are also human beings and have feelings which should be cared for.


To give you an even more realistic view of this 'be your own company' is my present life. Maybe after hearing my side of the story you may consider loving yourself and giving this idea a shot.


I am currently 14 years old and since the last few years, I've been feeling neglected by my parents. My parents are busy business personalities and I cannot always bother them just to get some reaction out of them to calm my need of attention so I learned to keep my distance and gave them space and relaxation that they wanted after their long days at work.


My mother is close to me but she is still a parent and I understand the part where she explained to me that as parents they would always love me and cherish me and no-one would take that place away from me. But that was not how I felt.


This is the part where my younger sister comes into the picture.


I won't badmouth my sister but she is an average student while as I had spent almost half of my childhood trying to meet people's expectations and trying to match the standards of my parents I lost the time in which I could've spent time with my family and got to know them more.


I was always envious of my sister getting all the attention and love that I once had before she came, and I very much liked my life that way but I couldn't do anything about it now, can I?


So I learned to live with it but still, I gave her the cold shoulder. I would always try to win something at school or excel at anything new to grab my father's attention but it would only result in him nodding in approval showing that he was proud as he said.


And whenever I would argue over the fact that he never gave the credits and appreciation to me that I deserved the only excuse I would hear was that I am their child and so is my sister and they both love us equally.


Now doesn't every parent use that excuse on us?


I couldn't digest the fact that she was the one who was getting everything without even working hard for it, because unlike me she was born with a silver spoon.


Even after being shoved away for so long, I tried to be the best and perfect daughter that one could have and the proof was in front of them but I was still ignored with a simple nod of appreciation.


Things started changing and slowly I had started distancing myself from not just my parents or in particular my father but from everyone at school too. I won't eat anything, I would stare at nothing for long hours, I would blabber all the pent up frustration in front of the mirror and I realized that just because of this mere attention I craved for, I was slowly losing myself and destroying myself.


I felt like a puppet who was controlled by society- my parents, my friends, and other people around me. Because of my parents, children at school would always mock me and taunt me for receiving everything that I wanted without working hard for it, mock me for being the teacher's favorite student, or as children these days call sidekick, for being a double-sided bitch and whatnot.


But I never replied, I would just smile and ignore. I would ignore and try to convince myself that whatever they said was not true because they don't know me but slowly with time I started realizing that I am just lying to myself.


People are walking over me and using me the way the like and throwing me away. My friends are coming to me for mental support and help while when I want a shoulder to lean on I have no-one. I have my mother but as she is still a parent I didn't want to be nagged and lectured in that state.


Gradually while holding in all this frustration inside me for years, I was on the verge of exploding. I was tired of going to school with a smile and keeping up that same fake smile all day to convince the others that I am fine when I was not.


And that wasn't what broke my heart, the thing that left me heartbroken was nobody could look through my soul through my eyes and make out that I am lying; lying to everyone including myself but at that point, I thought that these things only happen in the romance novellas that I read, and not in real life so I dropped the thought of ever relying on any person for now and I realized and absorbed the fact that I had no-one but myself.


I decided to be my friend, be my own company because nobody was beside me to tell me that everything would be alright, that I am fine the way I am and I am doing alright, I am living my life the right way.

There was no-one to tell me. And when I again tried to approach my friends I was only pushed away after being criticized that I was thinking too much and that was it, my heart shattered into million pieces after being criticized by the only people I could lean on for support.


This happened at school, I was so frustrated and tears were brimming at the end of my eyes threatening to fall at any moment. Somehow I managed to hide the fact from my mom that I was about to cry. I hurriedly went to my room, changed out of my uniform and I was practically shaking.


My hands were trembling while removing my eyeglasses while washing my face. Not even the splashes of cold water on my face were able to calm me down at that particular moment.

I still remember those feelings and emotions very vividly.


I was about to wear my new clothes which had a tag on them which had to be removed using a cutter. With my trembling hands, I tried handling the cutter and because of my blurred vision due to the tears in my eyes, just in the process of removing that tag, I got so many cuts on my hands.


Some cuts were small, some cuts were big. In a matter of seconds, my hands were colored with the bright red color of my blood and my brain at that moment was not able to comprehend anything that was happening around me.


I was standing in front of my washbasin trying to wash my hands, still shaking, when I looked up into the mirror and met my eyes I realized how much I've changed.


I was not that bright cheerful bubbly girl I was, but now I was this sad heartbroken girl who feels like dying. After that day, I started praying that to get some deadly disease that would kill me somehow and give me the peace that I wanted. I was scared of killing myself because I didn't know what future held for me. I still had hopes that maybe in the coming years I would be successful, independant, and beautiful and what not so I didn't take any drastic step that I may have taken that day.


Never in my life, I had felt so worthless and disgusting of my self until that day.

But after a few months when nobody realized what changes have been in my behavior I was determined to let those people rot in hell and live my life the way I wanted.


I thought that the heart that my mother formed in these 9 months into her tummy after going through so much, I won't end that life in just a second and let anyone break that heart that easily.


I started getting back on my feet.


To current date I still don't have many friends, any attention or affection from my father, and neither any care nor love directed towards me and not to leave the worse part out where I am still being verbally bullied at school, but now I don't let these things bother me.


It is because my body deserved much better than how I was treating it and I was a human and I deserved to be treated like one.


If no-one would bother to look over my existence then I took the matter in my own hands and started taking care of myself and being my own company in those hard times that I went through.


It was an absolute hell for me to cross paths with my beloved ones under the same roof with just a mere exchange of hi's and hello's instead of proper conversations but I learned to live with and so should you.


Now I am way better than before and compared to the past self I am a completely new me.


And the two things that helped me go through this phase in my life were writing journals and recording voice messages.


Writing what's going on in your brain just for yourself to release your frustration acts as a good stress reliever and it lightens that burden from your shoulders. You can write all the things that you went through in that diary which would act as a friend to you and would keep all your secrets safe.

This helped me a lot because when I re-read my previous journals of that time it always makes me feel proud of myself as to how much I have changed.

It helps you keep track of your growth and development.


Voice messages are for teens who are too lazy to write. You can just download any voice recorder app on your device and push the record button and rant all your thoughts as much as you want.

No-one would judge you and you would be able to release all your built-up emotions.

You can cry, you can scream, you can whisper, you can convey your thoughts and record them in any way you want, not just for the sake of doing it for your own sake and your health.


These two methods may bring you closer to yourselves and make you learn more about yourself. You would be able to take your mental health into consideration ore after giving a try to these methods.


This blog was very special to me because I never shared such deepest secrets of mine to anyone, these memories were just buried in my past but I knew that teens out there like me may need some motivation and support so I decided to speak about myself and tell you my story.


I hope this blog helped you realize what you are capable of and what you deserve.

Please don't ever hurt yourself because you are a beautiful human being. Every person deserves to be loved and cherished and you too.


Stay safe, stay healthy, and always love yourself!


With best wishes and lots of love,

Donna


Written and published on 30 July 2020 & Happy International Day of Friendship!!!!


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